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...back to black...

Got back from the doctor. My dosage of Prozac has been upped, I still see the dietitian on Tuesday, and worse, my weight is up to 264. it's gotten to the point where I can't run, I can't exercise effectively, and yet, I'm finding comfort in carbohydrates. To quote Amy Winehouse...

"I tread a troubled track
My odds are stacked
I go back to black"

I know it's not the right option, but at this point, I feel like it's my only option.


No. No I will not fall victim to depression. No, no I will not stay at home and cry. I will not go back to black.

H.O.P.E= Hold On, Pain Ends

How did I get here? Save me from this.

Struggling in the baking program; I now see that I clearly got more than I bargained for. I have the feeling Chef Raina is at her wits' end with me and is ready to bash me in the face with a baguette, over and over again until I make it right.

I'm also struggling with my weight, according to the scale at my doctor's office, I now weigh 252. Terrible weight for running. I know I'm stressed out because of class and things at home, but it's no excuse. I also fear I'm bringing back Fat Bob, and I'm also dreading having to bring Bony Bob back to keep Fat Bob at bay.

It's a good thing God understands me, because I sure as hell don't.

2011: the year I woke up

When I look back on this year, I think that this is the year I finally woke up from a horrific nightmare. Granted, I'm still working in retail, but I see what's happened since January 1, and I'm still amazed.

1. my weight is back up to 225, but it's not really fat. I've bulked up and can run a lot faster now than I did last year.

2. I enrolled in the Culinary Institute of Michigan, and I'm loving it. I know I'm on the outs right now, but after a letter to Chef Luis, I should be enrolled in the baking program.

3. I discovered that I love to bake! My house is now a cookie making machine!

4. I launched Piper's House 920, and I've actually gotten some good business. Lots of orders for cookies and brittle and caramel!

5. Finally, I know who my real family is.

Financial Sanity, continued

So after cutting my tithe last Friday, I've managed to record all my transactions, prevented myself from buying useless/unnecessary stuff, and have admitted to my pastor that my finances are a mess.

Not only that, I spoke with one of the vendors at the Farmer's Market, and he THANKED me for paying cash. He said that Creswick had been burned by bounced checks before, and so cash is appreciated.

I still need to find a brother or sister in the church to hold me accountable, but it will come with time. Until then, I need to walk the straight and narrow and pay cash whenever possible.

And according to a comment, I have a friend who's willing to loan me some Dave Ramsey books on finances. I think I will take him up on that offer...

Financial Sanity?

So apparently I didn't watch my finances close enough and overdrew my account. Not exactly the thing I wanted to read this morning. Thankfully, I had some cash on hand, which meant I could make a deposit and right the wrong.

I can't afford Dave Ramsey's help, and the scare prompted a brainstorming session when I returned home from the bank, and this is what appeared on paper:

1. Tithe. When I first was hired by Sam's Club, I started tithing, and I noticed this one little act led to greater financial accountability. These days, it appears I have none whatsoever.

2. Use cash whenever possible. At least with cash, I can count the transaction right away, rather than run the risk of waiting for checks to clear.

3. Record everything. I save the receipts, and it's time I kept a record of what comes in and goes out.

4. Judge what's really necessary. Do I need a full pound of coffee, or can I get by with half for the week? Do I need a new iPod, can I get by with a lesser model, or do I need anything like this at all?

5. Find a brother or sister in the church to help hold me accountable.

I'm sure there are some things I'm missing, but I think this is a start.

Thanksgiving, continued

I had thought about going somewhere for Thanksgiving, but since I hate eating turkey every year, I remain convinced that I made the right choice to stay home. And as for the menu here at P.H. 920:

Main Dish: Chicken with 40 cloves of garlic. I will make my dad peel the garlic, since he likes it so much...


Pumpkin Risotto. Again, I'm tired of stuffing every year. I finally learned how to make risotto in Skills 1, so I might as well try it at home!

Mashed Potatoes: If done right, I love mashed potatoes. Topped with a chicken and garlic gravy.

Roasted root vegetables: I figure a medley of sweet potatoes, parsnips, and carrots will hit the spot.


Don't know yet. Maybe an apple tart. Maybe ice cream sandwiches with my cookies as the bread. Maybe nothing at all.

One More Entry...

Tonight, I was stretching, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mom's old diary.I picked it up and started reading it, and I saw all the struggles she went through, how her faith carried her through those times, and how she wanted the best for my dad and I. Turns out, she stopped updating it on January 17, 2009, the day before she broke her neck. And seeing as I had a pen handy, I picked it up and started writing, trying to fill in the gaps. Granted, I don't think I did a very good job. How can you fill in almost three years of information? But this is what I wrote...

One last entry...Collapse )
"When comfort and warmth can't be found
I still reach for you
But I'm lost, and crushed, and cold, and confused
With no guiding light left inside...
You're my guiding light..."
-Muse, "Guiding Light"



Seeing as it's just my dad and I, I'm taking this time to make the holiday meal that I want. And yes, I'm going to be a little off the wall..

-First off, I'm not roasting turkey. I'm roasting a chicken with 40 cloves of garlic instead. Afterwards, I'm going vampire hunting...

-Veggies will include spinach and butternut squash.

-No rolls, but I'm serving a cranberry-orange-almond bread from Laughing Tree Bakery.

-No stuffing to speak of, but if I do, it will be an apple-bacon stuffing that I pulled from Food For Thought magazine.

Then again, I could just skip everything, then cook and eat an entire slab of bacon.

I need a haircut.

I've been told it's time to get a haircut, but with any cut, there's a lot of ways it can go. Do I cut it all off? Do I leave it long, but thin it out somewhat? Do I go with the Beatles-style mop top? Or do I go clean and corporate?

Either way, I have to do something with it... it's at the point where I can't stuff it all under a hairnet, and I don't know how to tie it back... any advice is greatly appreciated.